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An insane ex. Or maybe I'm the crazy one

It's been a while since I posted.  Things have gone from improving, to absolute insanity.

My ex, after getting pissed at me, has decided "I'm the mom.  What I say goes" and has made the decision to only allow me to see my little girl on weekends.  Going from seeing her every day of the year to every other week was bad enough.  Now this?  

I was able to get a "pro bono" initial consultation with a family law attorney who told me there is what is called "a status quo injunction" which he said based off the situation, the judge is guaranteed to sign immediately.  This would put things back to "normal".

For the last year and a half, we have been switching every Saturday.  One week with me, one week with her Mom.

I've tried to reason with the ex.  I just want what is best for my little girl.  It's been proven what is best in a divorce situation is split 50/50 if it can be done.  And taking her away from her Daddy? That is NOT what is best.  Listening to her cry every night when she calls to say good night is just horrible.  

What gave me a heartattack though, was at the end of the attorney consultation, it was "all I'll need is the 3000$ retainer, and since you have an employee assistance plan at work, it's a 25% discount.  So it will be 150$/hour.  Should only be about 20 hours".

Seriously?  I can barely afford my current bills.  Like I have that kind of money just laying around for a rainy day!  And yet, what choice do I have?  This is my little one.  I'm not going to just let her be taken away from me :(  Not a chance in hell.

After the next paycheck, I'm sitting at about 1100$ short.  I've managed to scrimp/save/change in bottles and cans/given plasma and blood and borrowed. 

Somehow, I need to get the rest by December 28th or the "window" of filing the status quo injunction closes.  How the hell am I going to get that kind of money, and get my little girl something, ANYTHING, for Christmas?

I've barely slept in weeks, since this all started.  I can almost see my hair going gray.  I dunno.  Maybe it's a lost cause.  Maybe I should just roll over, let my ex continue on with the "I'm the mom" attitude, and just see my daughter on weekends.  

On the one hand, the stress, the fighting over every possible penny to get the money, etc.  On the other.  It's my daughter.  I can't just give her up.  I'd do anything for her.  And again, listening to her cry into the phone every night "I miss you daddy.  I love you. only 4 more days till I see you".  I know her tears are falling.  But there is not a damn thing I can do :(  Shoot me.  Just freakin' shoot me.

Ugh. Yeah. That's right. Ugh

So all the apartment places I've checked out have fallen through.

Despite the fact that I make 4+ times the amount of rent, they all look at my crappy credit, and laugh and send me packing.  

What's funny is that I posted on craigslist that I was looking for a place no more then 750$ month and that my credit is absolute crap.  I had a few responses from places saying they could help me.  When I go spend the time and go there, they send me packing.  WTF?  While I can appreciate where they stand, I'm somewhat surprised as they read my post, know my situation, tell me they can help me, then can't.  

So time is quickly running out, and I've yet to find a place yet.  Stress level is deffinitely on the rise.

In entirely unrelated news, I had one of those crappy credit cards that you get to help rebuild credit.  You know the ones ... After activation fees you are left with 50-100 bucks.

I hadn't activated it, waiting until it was absolutely needed.  I went to find the envelope today.  Turns out my "wife" decided to open my mail, toss out the paperwork, and shred the card.  Now THAT is messed up.  

Ugh.  Blah.  

In lighter news, my daughter has had 3 loose teeth for a while.  one on top, 2 on the bottom.  The bottom two middle ones have already grown in, and just pushed the two baby teeth forward.  When I picked her up from school today,  one of the bottom ones had come out today :)  It's been loose for almost a month now.  

I've had to convince her to wait another 5 days to put in under her pillow, under the guise of waiting to see if the other one comes out.  The truth?  I don't have anything to put under her pillow until after pay day :(

Ah well.  Still, she certainly is the most beautiful, amazing little girl who ever lived.  Yeah yeah, I know everyone says that.  But not everyone has seen my little girl :p

A little faith in humanity

 So it's been an eventful few days since my last post.

Here's where things stand:

First the sad, then some good stuff.

On Sunday I went to work.  Hooray for the 5 am shift!  My daughter woke up at about 7.  The "wife" was still asleep (big surprise.  She sleeps in until about 11 on weekends).  My kid thought it was Monday.  A day I drive her to school.  I was busy at work and missed my cell phone ringing, but listed to the message.

"Daddy ... where are you?" with some sniffling and crying.  I called her right back and she was crying.  She thought she was all alone at home and that I had forgotten her.  Never.  Not a chance in hell.  Tears my heart out to think that she thought she was all alone with no one to keep her safe.

Ok, so on to some good stuff.

First, there were a couple of people who decided to help me out with the button below.  Let me say, thank you.  I don't think you realize just how much it helps me.  Seriously.  I'm not quite home free yet, but I am that much closer.

Second, I've been apartment hunting with no luck.  So I decided to post an ad on craigslist that I was desperately seeking something.  My credit sucked, but it was sort of an emergency move.

Had a few responses from people that made no sense.  "I want a place in either a, b or c, betwee XX and XXX$"  "How about this place in Z for XXXXX$?" ugh.  

But today I had an email from an apartment manager.  Called back and have an appointment on Thursday to go over and see the place (wish it was sooner, but work ...).  Looks like a nice place.  in my budget.not far from where my daughter will be.  And they are willing to help me out with a good move-in deal.

Here's to hoping!  

So yeah.  A little faith in humanity restored.  

Like I said, I'm not out of the woods yet, but I think I can see some sunlight seeping through the canopy ahead.


So my wife calls me at noon and tells me that she wants to talk after work. Fine. So we meet up so we can talk in private without my daughter around.

Lovely. Now THERE is a good sign.

Turns out, she is moving out March 1st. She already found an apartment to move to and has made the arrangements. Greeeeat.

So, that leaves me with about $2500 in bills to pay, + finding enough money to get a place I can afford, plus finding that place. Fun times ahead.

I know she has wanted a divorce for some time. I've offered multiple times to find a good marriage counselor, or whatever.  She has never been interested in trying to make it work. 

I would probably be fine with it if she had waited a couple more months until the garnishment was done.  But not a chance.  In all honesty (heh I HAVE to be honest with myself here.  No one is reading this thing :p ) I'm screwed.  I just don't know what to do at this point.

And you know what?  It's not even that she has a new place, it's that she has completely screwed me over in dealing with all the bills AND finding a new place.  While telling me that my kid is going to go live with her.  Seriously, that corner, and crawling into it and curling up is looking extremely appealing.  

Problem is, once there, I don't think I'd be able to find the strength to crawl out of that corner.

I just don't know what to do.  I do wonder though, what it feels like to have a stroke.


Heart strings

So, you know those times when you are watching a sad movie?  And something happens that just sorta squeezes your throat? Yeah, so anyways, this morning I'm sitting on the couch trying to figure out what bills I can pay while still having enough money to buy the kid some food.  

So she comes up to me and asks if I can buy her some fruitsnacks.  "Sorry honey.  There isn't enough money this week ..."

So she hugs me and says "That's alright Daddy.  If you want, you can take some pennies out of my piggy bank. You just have to ask ok?" then off she goes to her room to read her illustrated Bible Stories book she got for Christmas.  Which, in and of itself, seems a little strange to me, as no one else in the family is religious.  Seems the kid has found God on her own.

So yeah,  she is 6. WTF do you say to that?  

While I know I'm doing the best I can with the hand I've got right now, and that she means all the world to me, it still really really sucks that I can't get her some stupid fruit snacks.  Extremely frustrating and it makes me feel like shit, to be honest.

Off I go to see if I can find some empty soda cans somewhere to get some change for fruit snacks.


Search for assistance

Ok so look, I know this has been done to death, but hey, what are you going to do? I'm desperate.

This is how it works, I give my sob story, you choose what you want to do. Point and laugh, help, whatever. I'm not going to make this out to be something it's not. It's a plea for help. I'm not looking to get rich. Far from it. I don't want to be rich. I just want to survive. And right now, well .. you get the picture.

Ok, so my sob story.

I'm 31. I grew up in another country but moved to the States because of a woman (yeah yeah. I've heard it before). When I was 20 I met a woman who I fell in love with. So I moved to the US. A year later, we had a kid. A beautiful girl. Seriously. Without my daughter, I would probably be curled up in a ball in a corner somewhere.

So my wife moves to where I'm from for about a year just to get things in order, meaning following the proper procedure of dealing with getting a greencard for me and stuff, so I'm all legal and can work.

After the year, we move back to the US.

Just after we moved back, my wife finds out her grandmother (who was more like a mother to her) is dieing. Not long after, she passes.

My wife hates me. I took her away from her grandmother for a year. Natural reaction. I don't blame her for hating me. She is grieving. She'll get through it

So anyways, about 2 months after that my kid was born, and my wifes little brother went into a group home, custody of the state (a different state from where we were living). For lack of a better description, he was being pimped out by his father to some old guy.

The only way to get him out of the group home was to jump through a million hoops and become a foster parent. Yeah. So my wife and I found ourselves foster parents of her little brother. He was 16 at the time. Ok, so the state assists with the cost of being a foster parent. Sure. I heard that over and over. Problem was, going from one state to another caused all sorts of confusion (What?? Government-types confused? I know!) So here I am, away from the only home I've ever known, away from all family and friends, father to a newborn little girl, and "father" to a 16 year old teenage boy. Geez who signed me up for this??

He lived with us for 3 years. I received one payment from the state. Grand total: 350$ weee.... that sure helps pay for a 16+ year old teenage boy!

So whatever. Family. You do what you have to do right? Yeah. I thought so too. The bills didn't see it that way. Downhill we go!

Life goes on, we struggle, the brother-in-law/foster-kid moves back to his hometown in another state. The wife blames me. I pushed him out. I didn't treat him like family, yadda yadda yadda. Meh. I did the best I could. Maybe I was a little harsh on him. I just wanted him to be the best person he could be. Blah. If it makes her feel better, I'll take the blame.

26 years old, I get a call from my mother. My father has a brain tumor. He fights it, gets it removed, and all is good. (By the way, when a neuro-surgeon tells you "we want to take a little extra, just to be sure", it is apparently normal. Far be it for me to say "extra? What the hell. That's a damn brain! What extra are you talking about??")

My wife and I drag our kid the 3000 miles to move in with my parents to help them recover. Hey, they paid for me for the first 20 years of my life, it's the least I can do. And my druggie/unemployed older brother certainly isn't going to do it.

So my dad recovers quickly and goes back to work. My wife and I find out she is pregnant again. I send her and the kid back to the US where she can get some medical coverage. She moves to the city where her brother and mother live. With nowhere else to go, she moves in with an old friend. Incidentally, it's an old friend she used to sleep with. Ah well, she needs a place. She is pregnant. Yeah, not for long. Miscarriage.

Life happens right? Yeah. It really sucks. So I finally get back to the states, and we find a place. By the time, I'm 28.

My mother-in-law has no place to live, being in her 40's and not having had a real job (dumpster diving doesn't count. Does it?) in almost a decade.

So life is going on and we are struggling to get by when the company I'm with downsizes. Job less. Oh joy. Even better? 2 weeks after my medical expires, I have gall stones AND kidney stones. The kidney stones I pass, and the gall stones are to bad. I have to have my gall bladder removed.

I suppose it was quite telling at the time, but my wife dropped me off at the hospital then went out with the aforementioned friend she live with while I was still out of the country helping my family. When the surgery was done, she sent her mother to come and get me.

A couple of weeks after that, she tells me she wants to split. Fine. Once again, shit happens, I suppose I wasn't the greatest of husbands. Certainly not the worst. So unfortunately, neither of us can afford to move out on our own, not to mention, there is a kid involved. So we continue living together. She has her room, I now live in the spare bedroom, and the kid has her own room.

I'm working again by now. Great job that I really really love. But the cost of life, the recession, etc makes it a struggle.

Then my mother calls again. My father collapsed. He's taken to the hospital for a crapload of tests. Apparently the collapse was just him feinting. Nothing serious. What IS serious is his breast cancer. Surgery, and chemo, and all that jazz.

So, once again, life goes on. We struggle to survive. My wife starts playing an MMO. She now spends 5+ hours a night playing her game, talking to her friends through that.

Just before Christmas, my old medical bills catch up to me and they start garnishing my wifes. Awesome. There goes 25% of my income. I have no one to blame but myself, of course. I can accept that. Nothing can be done about it except to pay it back. Once it's done, at least I have nothing more to deal with.

So here we are to today. I've still got a couple grand to pay back for the garnishment, I've got bills piling up. I've got a wife who spends more time on the computer playing her video game (lol last Thursday was "her turn" to give the kid her bath. It was the first time it was her turn in 7 months. Tonight, she made dinner. First time in a year. And by "made dinner", I mean she microwaved some food).

I work 17 hours a day. I try and spend about 3 hours a day with the kid. Playing games, puzzles, etc. Last night was 2 hours of Barbie :\

I make sure I'm home every night to put her to bed, read her a bedtime story and sing her a lullaby. It kills me every morning when I drop her off at school and she cries because she is going to miss me. She made my wife a birthday card last week. Inside was a picture of me and the kid. My wife was on the back. My kid drew her sitting at the computer.

Yet throughout the split, my wife keeps telling me she is going to be taking the kid to live with her. :(

So I've got my beautiful little girl, I've got a wife whohates me, and who rarely talks to me, and who sleeps in a different room, and I've got a mother-in-law living in my garage. I've got my check being garnished, and bills piling up. I promised my kid that once "my pay goes back to normal" every Friday she and I will have "Daddy/Daughter Dinner Day". Burger King, McDonals, Arby's whatever. Something.

So here it is. Like I said, I'm not looking to get rich, just a little help before I shoot myself (no, not literally) or keel over from the stress. Like I said, point and laugh, make comments calling me a loser, whatever floats your boat.

If you feel so inclined, please help me get through the next couple of weeks and donate a little something. Whatever you want. Any amount helps. This is the last thing I wanted to do/try. I even signed up for one of those horrible credit cards that, once the fees are paid, will leave me 50$. money is money. I need to get my kid some food.

So do your worst, or do your best. Whatever you want to do.


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I'm about all out of energy.  Tired.  Just ... tired. And not in the "get some sleep" kind of way either.